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Dateline: Detroit, June 6th, 2042…

Pursuant to the recent US Supreme Court decision led by Chief Justice Sarah Palin, the federal Bureau of Prisons, Inc. complied with the Court’s directive to relieve the “cruel and unusual” overcrowding with an initial release of the notorious Big Mama Thorndyke.

ADX Florence, CO: Only what's ABOVE ground...

Big Mama, our readership will recall, was part of the anarchist NORML Gang that terrorized the nation back in the teens. She’s been doing her time at the BOP’s super-max prison, ADX Florence, CO, since 2017. She wasn’t scheduled to get out for another 86 years.

While she’s been in a diabetic coma for several years, many responsible figures in corporate gov’t believe that she remains a terrorist threat to the community.

Her family tried to pull off a lawsuit against the prison corp for their failure to give her insulin. The prison successfully defended itself based on her serious infractions and the fact that the Supreme Court had ruled that medical care is a privilege, not a right.

“If she had behaved herself and wasn’t guilty of ‘eyeballing’ staff, she’d have been just fine,” the presiding judge in the civil suit ruled.

In opposition to the release of prisoners for any reason, including one’s medical status, Yogi Giuliani, prison spokesman, said, “It don’t matter what her current medical status is. If she’s free, she’s an example of how an anti-corporate criminal terrorist can flaunt the law with impunity and get away with it!”

Anti-Corporate enterprise...

Big Mama was originally charged with growing marijuana and poppies in-between the corn rows of her neighborhood urban garden in Detroit. She was also found guilty of failing to file and pay future non-earned taxes on her criminal enterprise. Clearly, the jury ruled, she had no intent to do so.

Fortunately, JP Morgan Chase and Coca Cola, sponsors of the program, had their private security force (former Navy Seals) discover the inchoate narcotics before serious damage was done to our children and community.  The death of an 82-yr-old resident-gardener who was in the vicinity of the illicit plot, was deemed collateral.

Former mayor of Detroit Dave Bing, stated from his posh prison cell, “Big Mama was a one-person crime wave. She set the City of Detroit back a hundred years. The major corporations pulled out all their urban renewal projects since it was obvious that there were certain people who just didn’t appreciate what was being done for them.”

Robert Bob Jr., the Michigan governor’s appointed Emergency Financial Manager of the city usurping all elected officials, eliminated all city services to the designated residential areas, along with the closing of all public schools.  He commented that, “It was clear that a number of residents were complicit with Big Mama Thorndyke’s criminal conspiracy.  They only got what was coming to them.”

Bing himself is completing a sentence at Club Fed Leavenworth in one of Corp-Nation’s rehab projects. When the Benevolent Corporations Act of 2036 was enacted, Bing was one of those who opted for the program.

BCA-2036 allowed any public or business official who wished to pursue modified amnesty for any crimes they may committed, to accept a fixed 3-yr pilot program serving their time in prison industries as a production supervisor or business office manager. No specific crime need be stated.

At the conclusion of their contractual obligation, their criminal record is cleared and they are immune from prosecution for any previous crimes to that date (short of crimes of terror against corporations, of course; private enterprise being the foundation to all of our freedoms).

In the meantime, Chief Justice Palin has applied to the Homeland Corporations Board for a special hearing. “If I had been given all the proper information by the lying lawyers for the prisoners in this case,” she stated, “I would not have ruled in their favor.”

“Their perfidy and twisting the original intent of the Founding Fathers of the US Constitution has fortunately been brought to my attention by the HCB and will be noted in my next decision, as well as criminal conspiracy charges being filed against these offending attorneys.  They’re guilty and they’ll get what they deserve.”

“Besides,” she added, “while some of what they spoke to may be ‘cruel’–given most prisoners’ manifest anti-corporate criminality–the retribution and punishment they so richly deserve is hardly ‘unusual.’ And, as all enterprising patriots know, the Constitution reads: ‘Cruel and unusual.'” Palin commented, “They won’t fool me again!”

Dr. Publico…Faux News special…

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2 Responses
  1. Tish says:

    Whoa, whoa, get out the way with that good inofrmatoin.

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